Hiking with my Asian mother

     When Lee woke up to the sound of drapes being pulled across the window, she knew she was in for a bad day.
Please leave me alone, she thought, burying her pounding head underneath a pillow.
     “Why you sleep in middle of day!” Her mother’s shrill voice erased any chance of returning to her slumber.  “I will have no lazy daughter!” Although Lee might have expected this when she was a teenager, she was an adult now.  She had a husband and a house of her own.  Why was her mother even here?
     “Just go home,” she said, unmoving.
     “We both leaving.  Get out of bed.” She pulled away Lee’s blankets, leaving her exposed and cold.
     “I’m not going anywhere.”  She tried pulling back her covers, but they were on the floor now.
     “Yes, you are. Get up!” She motioned impatiently at Lee, waving her arms wildly.  Lee sat up and rubbed her eyes, wincing at the tender flesh underneath her eyelid.  She’d forgotten the bruise left there last night.  She looked at the clock with the red digital numbers. 10:47.  Dan would be home in a few hours.
     “I can’t leave, Mae.  I don’t feel good and Dan will want me home today.”
     “I called him on phone.  He know you come with me.”
     “He does?”
     “Jah.”
     Lee didn’t think that Dan would have agreed to her leaving, but then again, she knew how persistent Mae could be.
     “Maybe I should call him.  Are you sure he understood you?  Sometimes your accent confuses him.”
     “Jah, he understood. Now hurry.  Take shower and get dressed.  We leave 20 minute.”  Lee grabbed her phone and went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.  Her reflection stared back at her, a discolored shadow of her former self.  She remembered the first time she saw herself like this.
     It was two years ago in April and she and Dan had been married for only a few months.  Khmer New Year was being held at the West Los Angeles Buddhist temple, and everyone was there enjoying the traditions with food, lighting incense, and games. Lee spent most of the time helping in the kitchen, frying chicken wings.  However, whenever she took a break she noticed Dan was always talking with this one girl.  She didn’t like how he was spending so much time with her and later that night she confronted him about it.
     “It was just talking.  What, I can only talk to you now, is that it?”
She slapped him first.  Before she could realize what she had done he began punching her until she fell to the ground crying.
     “Look at what you made me do, Lee.”  He began pacing and threading his hands through his hair.  “You have to understand — I’m a man.  You can’t just do things like that without a reaction.” He left their bedroom and went downstairs, leaving her alone.  Later he came back with an ice pack and apologized.  Things would go back to how they used to be, he promised.  They slept in each other’s arms, hoping to just forget about it.  Lee had wished she had never brought up the girl in the first place.  It was a stupid mistake and she had overreacted. 
     The next morning, Lee saw herself in the mirror.  Her cheek had been swollen and her lip cracked.  She had tried to cover it up as best as she could, but it wasn’t enough when Mae had come by.
     “Your husband a pig,” she said as she rubbed tiger cream on Lee’s wounds, “You could do better.”
     “Is that what you thought when you left Pa?  The words came out harsher than what Lee had intended, but it was something she had never forgiven her mother for.
     Before their family had come to America, Mae left for the refugee camp without her husband — Lee’s father.  When they arrived she didn’t even list his name to send for him.  It wasn’t until years later did Lee and her siblings find out he was killed shortly after they left, leaving them fatherless.
     “I had my reason,” she said simply.  Of course, that wasn’t enough for Lee.  All she knew is that her mother had left without their father, and now he was dead because of that.  She wouldn’t make the same mistake with her husband.
The next few times Dan had hit her, Mae had become more angry and hostile towards him and always tried to convince Lee to leave.
     “A good husband might hit his wife one or two time.  Your husband hit too many time.”
     Today she didn’t even look at Lee’s face.  Lee flipped open her phone and selected Dan’s cell, bringing the phone to her ear.  It rang five times before he answered.
     “Is something wrong?” His voice was tense and abrupt as if he was stressed and busy.  Work had been especially hard for him lately, especially since the new boss arrived.
     “Umm, no.  Nothing’s wrong.  Are you ok?”
     “Babe, I told you not to call me while I’m at work, unless its an emergency.”
     “I know.  I’m sorry. I just… did my mom call you about me spending the day with her today?”
    “I think she left a message.  I know she’s your mom an’ all, but I don’t like how she’s always trying to get you to leave me.  Either she backs off, or maybe it's not a good idea you spend so much time with her.  You and me come first, babe.”
     “You’re right.  I’ll talk with her.  Otherwise, its OK with you if I go out?”
     “Just be back by nine,” he instructed.  Lee agreed and they both exchanged their love goodbyes.  Closing her phone, Lee turned on the shower and stepped into the cold water.  She understood Mae’s concern about her marriage, but she knew Dan loved her.  He just struggled with stress because he was trying to make a good life and future for their family.  Mae would never understand that.
     When she finished, she returned to the bedroom to put on some clothes.  Normally she would have been much more concerned about what she was to wear and wouldn’t have let Mae choose her wardrobe for a trip, but today she didn’t care.  She didn’t even know where they were going.  Probably somewhere outside the city.  The beach might be a good place for Mae to relax and breathe some good air.
     “Why you have no boot?” Mae came from the hallway.
     “I have boots.”
     “No, you have fake boot. We go to store to buy boot.”
     “What do I need boots for?”  Mae had already disappeared into the hallway before she could finish her question.  Lee walked towards the kitchen, but Mae was outside heading towards her car.  Lee grabbed her purse and slipped on a pair of tennis shoes as she exited the door.
     “Could you at least tell me where we are going?” she said as she opened the passenger door.
     “Shoe store.”
     “I meant after that.”
     “We go on hike.”
     “A hike?”
     “Mhmm.”  Mae turned on her favorite CD of Cambodian music, a playlist Lee’s younger brother, Sothea, had made for her.  Lee slipped on her largest pair of sunglasses and leaned back.  She knew she wasn’t going to get much more information from Mae, so she didn’t bother trying.  Next, they were on the road to the shoe store as Mae sang along to her favorite songs.

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     Some hours after Mae had gone to REI’s to buy Lee shoes, they arrived at the Sequoia National Forest entrance.
     “Why did we have to come all the way out here?” Lee asked.  “Couldn’t we just have hiked at the Angeles National Forest?  It's way closer.”
     “I like this spot better,” Mae replied matter-of-factly.  She stepped out of the car and strode towards the trunk.  Lee got out and followed her.  Mae pulled out a huge backpack out of the trunk and hiked it up on her back.  Her mother was only 4ft.11 and it looked just as big as her.  She pointed to a second backpack.
     “That for you.”  Lee looked at the enormous luggage.
     “Mae, why do we have backpacks?  I thought we were just hiking?”
     “We go camping too.”
     “Camping!”
     “Jah.  Remember you told me to get hobby.”  Lee pinched the bridge of her nose, sure that a migraine was going to befall her any moment.  She hated how Mae was never clear on what she was up to.
     “Yeah, but I meant like knitting or something.  You come out here all by yourself?”
     “Once every few month.  Now hurry and grab your backpack.”
     “Mae, I can’t go camping overnight.  I have to be home by nine, and its already past four!”
     “You a child or what?  You adult now and adult stay out late.  Come!  Or sleep in parking lot.”  Mae walked away down the dirt road and left Lee with the car.  Lee wondered how she was going to fix this mess.  Maybe if she called Dan after he got off work, he would understand.  Grabbing the straps, Lee instantly realized that it was way too heavy for her to carry.
     “Oh, god.” She let go of it, exasperated. “I can’t carry that!” she called out.
     “If me an old lady can carry it, you can too!  Mae yelled back.  “Turn around and use your muscle!”  Lee slipped her arms into it and used all her strength to heave it up.  Once it was up, it wasn’t as bad.  She buckled in the straps and quickened her pace to catch up the older woman.
     “So where’s the cabin?”
     “This way.”  They soon came to a village of cabins that was busy with other campers all around.  Many of them had large backpacks like theirs.  Entering the registration cabin, Mae approached the front desk.
     “Hi, Somaly!” A young lady with large glasses addressed Mae by her name.         “It’s great to see you again!”
     “You too, Samantha.  This my daughter, Lee.”  She handed the lady her car keys, her voice more pleasant than what Lee was used to.
     “Nice to meet you, Lee!” Samantha smiled.  “Are you ready for the Pacific Crest Trail?”
     “Sure,” Lee responded.  In truth, she just wanted to go home.
     “Well tomorrow you’ll find out won’t you!” Samantha brought out a piece of paper, “If you gals could just sign this then you’ll be good to go!”  Both Mae and Lee signed and they were given keys to cabin number 4.  They left the registration cabin, making their way to their night’s lodging.
     “We need wood for fire,” Mae said as she entered the cabin and set down her pack.  Lee checked her phone to see if it was five o’clock yet.  It was.
     “Let me call Dan first. He should know that plans have changed.”  She set hers down as well and called her husband.
     “Hey, Babe,” his voice answered.
     “Hey I’m really sorry, but my mom tricked me into thinking we were just going for a hike.  She took me to some kind of forest and apparently we’re camping.”  She could hear Dan sigh on the other end.
     “Where are you?”
     “Where am I—” Mae grabbed the phone out of Lee’s hands before she could respond.  In a moment’s notice, Lee watched in horror as Mae chucked the phone to the ground and stomped on it with her boot.  It cracked.  Mae continued to gather sticks as if nothing had happened.  Lee’s speechlessness only lasted a moment before she frantically picked up the phone and tried to turn it back on.
     “How could you!” The phone wouldn’t turn on, no matter how many times she pressed the button.  “We have to go back.  No more of your stupid games, Mae!  Take me back home to my husband.”
     “Not on my dead body.”  She said every word with clear emphasis as if she owned the sentence.  “You go back to that rotten pig after our trip.”  Lee stood in front of her mother.
     “Please, I beg you.  Take me back.  If you care for me at all you will take me back.”
     “I will not.”  Lee tore off her sunglasses, revealing her black eye.
     “See this?  If you don’t take me back home he will do a lot more than this to me.”  Mae sidestepped her and continued on her mission to start a fire.
     “That your problem.”  Lee stood there stunned.  She didn’t understand how Mae could be so callous.
     “Mae, you have to understand, I cannot leave Dan.”
     “Course you can.”
     “No, I can’t.  Mae, I’m pregnant.”  Her mother stood there silent for a moment.  This would be her first grandchild.  Lee hadn’t told anyone yet, not even Dan.  She had just found out two days ago and was waiting for the right time.
     “Even more reason to leave,” Mae continued.
     “You don’t mean that.  A child needs their dad.”  Frustrated, she turned around and headed back to the registration cabin.  She couldn’t let her mother’s stubbornness take away her chance of a real family.  She put her sunglasses back on.
     Samantha was still stationed at her desk and she still had that stupid smile on when Lee walked in through the doorway.
     “Hello, Lee!  Is there something I can help you with?”
     “Yes, give me the car keys.  I need them.”
     “I’m sorry but the car was already taken.”
     “Taken? Taken where?”
     “To the airport of course.  Your mom pays for the car to be parked at the airport for when you fly back.”  It was just then Lee noticed the large picture of a map behind Samantha.  It showed a large red trail, reaching from the bottom of California, all the way to Washington state.  Her confusion was met with a terrible realization.
     “Please tell me that’s not the trail you were talking about earlier?” she said pointing to the large map.
     “Why yes, it's the Pacific Crest Trail!  2,659 miles… a real achievement if you can hike the whole distance.”  Lee was already out the door.  She couldn’t believe her mother.  When she reached cabin 4, Mae was sitting outside starting a fire.  Packs of food lay at her feet.
     “Good, you back.  I make rice soup,” she blew on the small flame she had made, throwing some leaves and sticks in it.
     “You can’t do this, Mae.  Twenty-six hundred miles?  Are you crazy?”
     “We only do 600 for your first time.  Maybe next time we go all way.”
     “No, there is no ‘next time.’ And we aren’t doing a first time either!  You have to call this off.  Tell them to bring your car back.”
     “After we walk one month, then we get car back.”
     “A whole month? Mae, I am pregnant.  How will we survive, in the wilderness no less!”
     “I have food,” she lifted the Ziploc filled with rice and placed larger sticks into the fire, creating a steady flame.
     “You’re going to get us both killed.”
     “Stop whining.  If I can carry you crying with all five of your brother and sister on my back in Cambodia in war, and pregnant too, we can walk American trail.  Easy.”  Mae hung her pot over the fire from a makeshift stick prop she had made.  Lee watched her scoop the rice out with her small hand and into the pot.  Next, she poured water from her canister into it and covered the pot with a lid.  Lee had imagined Mae doing something similar back in their homeland.  She didn’t remember any of it, but she knew Mae had sacrificed much for their survival.  Why she would willingly put herself in a survival circumstance again, Lee had no clue.  She thought of her own father, who hadn’t made it.
     “Mae, please tell me this one thing.  For real this time.”  She sat down beside her mother.  “Why did you leave Pa?”  Mae remained silent for many moments before she answered.
     “He was like Dan very much.  Proud and full of fear.  But the war change him.  My children come first.”  After another moment, she spoke her final explanation.  “He would not leave.”
     Lee pondered over this information, wondering how Mae could do everything she had done, and alone beside.  Her strength, in many ways it was incomparable to anyone else she knew.  Especially herself.  Lee sat down, defeated.  There was no way she was going to convince Mae to let her return to Dan.  She wasn’t sure if she wanted her too.  600 miles of walking.  One month of being away from her husband, who had no clue where she was.  How could she return after such a journey?